At this point im sad. im heartbroken. literally heartbroken. i can feel it in my chest and in the pit of my stomach. I can feel it in my whole body. I feel empty and hollow. It hurts to breathe. I dont want to feel like this. Its hard to live like this. I want to cry but im even too empty to do that.
I dont get how one moment someone can love you and the next they deicde they dont.
how many times did you tell me ” i wont leave” and then look at that, you left.
so fuck you
wow it actually has notes.
Today I saw my therapist and I was talking about him and she said, “I know it’s hard on you, I can see the pain in your eyes”. I almost started to cry.
i just want someone to love me and i feel like you stopped doing that, or maybe you never started.
It sucks to think that two nights ago i was falling asleep in your arms. Listening to you breathing. Looking at you curled up in my bed our fingers tangled together. And now you’re a thousand miles away. And im here by myself falling asleep on my own. Loneliness is the worst part of it all.
Sometimes at night when I finally get the chance to lay my head down on my pillow, just when the world has stopped spinning at 3 million miles an hour and I’ve gotten a second to breathe all to myself, instead of tranquility I am hit with an overwhelming feeling of emptiness some nights. Some nights it feels like the sadness just soaks into my sheets and waits for me to get home and crawl back in. These nights are bad, because that’s when I feel the furthest from you. Something’s gone on at work, school or with the family that I wish I could talk to you about, but I know I can’t right now. These are the nights when the online messages just didn’t cut it because there’s no substitute for your voice. These are the nights I find it hard to sleep because I don’t roll over to see you next to me. Other nights though, the good nights, the not so bad, not so long nights…it almost feels like you’re here with me again. Like I can feel your heartbeat drumming in rhythm with mine or feel your warmth next to me. These are the nights I forget that we’re separated by land and sea across miles and miles. These are the nights I feel a little bit stronger, but also the nights I miss you the most. Because it’s like you’re so close, yet so far away. But on these nights I’m reminded that it’s all worth it because we love each other and that’s the most important thing. These are the nights I remember that one more night with this cold empty spot in the bed next to me, is one more night closer to having it filled with you instead.
